Some years ago, on an earlier trip to Mexico, I was roaming the city center of one of my favorite places to visit, Merida, the capital of Yucitcan. What I love most about this city is the genuinely friendly people that fill it’s busy streets, bustling sidewalks and relaxing parks. The Centro de Merida captures it all and seems to be just the right place to relax and take in the culture and rhythm of this place that has captured my heart. Around the Centro there are las sillas confidantes, or confidant chairs. These are two chairs that sit side by side and face each other, sharing the center armrest. The idea is that two friends or lovers can sit side by side and still look at each other. They are one of my favorite features of the park.
As I was strolling through the park, on this particular day, I was enjoying watching a young couple sitting and talking, laughing together and looking at each other with a love that transcends words. Across the Centro there were a couple of old men laughing and joking with each other. It was clear that this was probably a regular routine for these two old friends. My attention soon turned to an elderly man sitting alone in one of the sillas confidantes. He was wearing a checkered short sleeve button down shirt and khaki pants. He had a worn ball cap on, that seemed to be as aged as he was. His black shoes and white socks were well worn and made me see he was more than just another american tourist on holiday. As I got closer, I could see his face and hands showed the marks of a man who had spent a life working hard. I could see by his gaze he was deep in his thoughts and just the ever so slight smile told me he was in a happier place or time. For reasons I can’t explain, I found myself sitting in the adjoining chair. I said nothing. I just sat. At first he didn’t even notice I was there. After a few minutes he saw me and seemed a little startled. I introduced myself and He told me his name was arthur. I went on to explain that I had noticed him sitting alone and asked if he could share his story. We sat quietly again for several more minutes and then he started to talk..
Arthur had met his wife, Helen when they were kids growing up. They both grew up in the same small oil town in Oklahoma and they were inseparable. Arthur worked for the same oil company as his dad and he and Helen dreamed of getting married one day. When the Korean war started Henry was soon drafted to the army. He and Helen decided to skip a big wedding and get married by the local judge. Within a couple of weeks Arthur was off to basic training and sent overseas. He lost a lot of close friends in the war and the letters from Helen helped to keep his spirits up. He came home after the war and immediately went back to work in the oil field. After several years passed the young couple had saved up enough to go on a small honeymoon since they had never had the chance before. They got brochures and tourist guides and after looking at the places they could afford, they decided on Merida. They went in the spring and spent every day exploring the town and meeting the people. They loved it. Each afternoon Arthur and Helen would go to a small ice cream shop that’s right off the square and have a cup of ice cream. Helen’s favorite was the Mango, while Arthur preferred the chocolate chip. Afterwards, they would go to the Centro and sit in the confidant chairs. They would sit there into the night, holding hands while talking about the day’s adventures. When they returned home, they made a promise to each other that they would return one day and revisit the place that had brought them so much joy.
As the years wore on, Arthur had been laid off several times, which, he explained, is the nature of the oil business. They had moved several times for work. They had tried to have a family but after a couple failed pregnancies, they decided the pain was too great and stopped trying. In spite of some hardship,they had made a great life for themselves. They struggled at times but Arthur kept assuring me their love for each other never dimmed. They also never stopped talking about returning to Merida. The day finally came that they started putting the plan together. They planned to go in spring like they had done before. They agreed they would stay in a little fancier hotel than before. In fact, they stayed up all night planning their trip, being silly little newlyweds like they had done so many years before. In that moment, their life was perfect.
As we sat there, Arther got reflective and quiet for several minutes. Then he went on…
The winter before the trip, Helen started having some pain in her pelvis. She was stubborn and wouldn’t go to the Doctor. She said she didn’t want to take money from their “trip fund.” As time passed the pain became unbearable. She finally saw the doctor and they found out she had advanced cancer. Arthur didn’t know all the details but it may have had to do with why they couldn’t have kids. He lost Helen soon after and he was now alone. He told me that Helen had made him promise that he would take their trip and he was to do all the things they had planned. This was years before I found myself sitting with him and I asked what happened. He explained that, in spite of the promise he had made, he couldn’t do it. He kept working until the day he was told he was too old and needed to retire. After that he spent his time sitting alone in their little house watching TV, or sitting on the porch, missing the sound of Helen’s voice telling him it was time to come in for dinner. Arthur was truly lost.
One morning he was going through some old papers and came across a travel brochure. He remembered the promise he made and decided it was time to go. He again put the plan in motion. He started to feel alive again. As he was packing and making plans he could hear Helen laughing and teasing him about what he thought he needed to bring. He could hear her getting excited about the adventures he would have. He knew Helen would be there with him and that gave him happiness he hadn’t had since she passed. Soon he was on his way.
He and I sat there for hours while he told me about their life. He would laugh at some memories and be sad about others. The one thing that was sure is they had an amazing life.
It was dark when Arthur and I finally went our separate ways. He shook my hand and said, “Thank you for listening to an old man.”
I was leaving the next morning and never saw him again. I often thought of that conversation and wondered how he spent the rest of his days.
As I sit here today, I find myself back here in the Centro, sitting in the same seat I found Arthur in all those years ago. I remember sitting next to him and sharing those laughs and tears of joy. And tears of pain and loss. It occurs to me that it’s not very often in life, we get the chance to connect with people like he and I did that day. So often we ignore that gut feeling to just sit with someone. We are too busy to see those people we were meant to know. I sit here and watch the young couples and old friends, the street merchants and tourists, the busy professionals and small children, and I realize how important it was to sit with an old man and let him share his life for an afternoon.
The sun is setting now and the lights just came on in the Centro. I think I’ll make my way to the ice cream shop and have a cup of Mango ice cream. I can hear Arthur now, “That crazy woman’s favorite”, This one’s for you, Arthur and Helen. Until we meet again.